There is a story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
~
Though I try not to dwell on them, I cannot escape all the stories in the news - murders, thefts, violence, clashes of all sorts, heated demonstrations, politics, division.
The chaos seems never-ending. The hatred, which is at the core of it, seems pervasive. So, lately I've been thinking of hatred and the little story above came to mind. And I saw that the hatred was not just out there, in others. I recognized the inner battle that wages inside me.
It led me to go deeper and deeper until I discovered the hidden sludge, the grime and filth that rests peacefully disguised somewhere in the darkness of my being.
The immersion revealed to me what I didn't want - the hatred within me. Though I may often come across as a Pollyanna, an ambassador of positivity, a bleeding heart who wants to sing Cumbaya and love everyone, the real truth is not pretty or all about love.
Hate is such a strong word. I was taught I must never hate, that only love was the valid passion. So hate learned to hide. I thought I was nice and that I had no room for such a strong and vile emotion. Until, not too long ago, when it surprised me, attacked me and I saw it. And if I hadn't, I think that wolf would have devoured me. I won't go into the details because you needn't know about me. It's best to discover your own hatred and you have some. It is adept at camouflage.
But perhaps, like for me, circumstances will converge for you in a way in which hate cannot but show its raw, ugly, monstrous head. And you will deny it, you will reject it, you will fight it. Then you will accept it. And hopefully, you will ask, "What is it I'm afraid of?"
I think hate originates in fear. If you have the courage, the answers will eventually surge, but know that unveiling our fears is not easy.
I value self-awareness and I know it is something we have to work at. It is best to know who we are, lest we go through life like a shadow or a carbon copy of ourselves - unauthentic, ungrounded, hypocritical. The truth will set you free, they say.
Though love may be the opposite of hate, they are not mutually exclusive. I can love my child, but hate the neighbor's. I can love the underprivileged, and hate the rich. I can hate the haters, while thinking myself superior. I can hate myself, and love my superficial mask, my reputation, my prestige.
Some say love and hate are just two sides of the same coin. That makes sense to me somehow. Or maybe I just wish it were, because as a choice I prefer love. And what a great thing, if we could convert hate to love. Just flip it.
Or maybe we can all just transform hate to love, like an alchemist or a magician, or a god.
But the truth remains. Before we can change anything we first must see it, confront it, name it, accept it as part of ourselves...and not hate ourselves for it. Only then can we let it go. And maybe not only our self-awareness increases but also our self-love, love in general.
The old Cherokee grandfather didn't instruct on which wolf to feed and he didn't say it, but it's important we know there are two wolves and that feeding one, will kill the other.
~
For a little humor:
" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
W.C. Fields
